I hear this complain almost every time during counselling sessions: “Father, I trusted and believed him with my life, but he deceived me, used me and dumped me.” And whenever I ask: How come you did not notice he is a trickster? The response usually is: “he told me he loves me, he called often, he was caring and gave me attention, I began seeing a future with him, and so on, I never knew the beast in him until he got my money, sex, etc and changed!
Situations like this sometimes render obsolete the biblical adage ‘out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks‘ and makes it a ‘poor litmus’ to ‘judge’ the intentions of men as good or evil. But does this rule out the veracity of this proverb or proverbs generally? No! We need proverbs because they reflect who we are!
Because of the high rate of deception in the world, the Word of God speaks to us in proverbs today, giving us clues to discovering tricksters and agents of deception. Remember Jesus calls us to be ‘gentle as lambs but wise as serpents’, hence this message is important. Don’t go away, continue reading slowly…
Ecclesiasticus 27:5-8
In a shaken sieve the rubbish is left behind, so too the defects of a man appear in his talk. The kiln tests the work of the potter, the test of a man is in his conversation. The orchard where a tree grows is judged on the quality of its fruit, similarly a man’s words betray what he feels. Do not praise a man before he has spoken, since this is the test of men.
POINTS FOR REFLECTION
1. Child of God, the words of wisdom you just read resembles Christ’s teachings in Luke 6:45: A good man draws what is good from the store of goodness in his heart; a bad man draws what is bad from the store of badness. For a man’s words flow out of what fills his heart. This is a further confirmation that the heart is the centre of man’s thoughts and actions-both good and evil. That is why Jesus, elsewhere teaches that what defines a man comes from within- the heart. And since from the heart comes both good and evil, there’s need to examine carefully the external manifestations of men, so as to know when they are pretending or impersonating.
There are 3 ways of IDENTIFYING deceivers, viz:
a. Seek consistency in external manifestations.
b. Expose obvious contradictions
c. Cut off relationship if LIES persists.
2. Consistency is key knowing what or how men think. If you want to know what is on the inside of a person, you simply watch closely his/her actions; listen to what comes out of his/her mouth on a regular basis on a particular issue or matter. This is not being judgmental; this is being realistic. This require some time dedicated for careful study and knowing the person. But sadly this is where many fail. They are impatient in spending time knowing others but hastily draw conclusions from little or scanty information gathered. The limiter to this method is having emotional or sexual attachment to the person under consideration, which blocks the power of the mind to detect obvious contradictions. Hence if you really want to know someone delay having sexual or emotional connection with them.
3. Expose Obvious Contradictions: Consistent sinful words and deeds are indicative of a sinful heart. Rather than always giving people “the benefit of the doubt,” you would do well to recognize the “fruit” you observe and respond accordingly by exposing it before the person. Being a “fruit inspector” does not mean you consider yourself to be without sin; rather it means that you are realistic about whom to trust and whom to allow to exert influence over your life and the people for whom you are responsible. The limiter to this method is fear to confront issues, or fear to say the truth especially when the person in question is older in age, or supports you financially or materially. If you want to overcome this, then you have to realise that men are channels of God’s blessings, and God can use anyone to bless you, and that channel is not limited to one person.
4. Cutting off relationship when lies persists is key to maintaining a stable mind and assure one’s safety. This should not be compromised for anything because habitual lie is the tool of a deceiver. They never repent but lie continuously to cover their evils. I once asked a woman seeking divorce why she is just taking the decision now and not earlier, but after 12 years of marriage blessed with 4 kids. To my surprise, she responded: I have known the thing propelling me to divorce even before our marriage but I lack the willpower to walk out of the relationship. This explains the situation of many failed marriages and relationships. The inability to ‘walk out’ of toxic relationships at the beginning because of some selfish pursuits or gains or fears is the limiter to this method. Learn to cut off as quickly as possible, it will save you stress and stories tomorrow.
TASK: Be sincere in your dealings with others. Be true to your words and mean what you say because as you set out to observe others, so others are also observing you.
Pray Psalm 141:3-4 now saying:
Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips. Do not let my heart be drawn to what is evil so that I take part in wicked deeds along with those who are evildoers; do not let me take part in their feastings, but continue to expose evil men and deceivers around me, in Jesus name. Amen
Beautiful reflection and thanks to you father I gained a lot from reading this. God bless you
Amen. Thanks and God bless you more for reading
Wow! Wonderful wonderful! reflection. This will really go a long way to guide me. Thanks alot Father and remain blessed.
Thanks my dear for reading through. May God grant you increase in wisdom and knowledge. Keep sharing to encourage others.
Thank you Padre for the wonderful reflection,i have gotten more knowledge.
Thanks Helen, God bless you. I pray this knowledge will stick and save you. Amen.
God bless you father,but most pretend to be good and after marriage they begin to show u their real color
Thanks Modester for your reviews. Yes you are right that some persons pretend to be good to obtain consent to marriage but change afterwards. In such cases the marriage is invalid and should be reported to the church tribunal for declaration of nullity.