“Father, please pray for my son: he is stubborn and doesn’t respect anyone! He has stopped going to church, he doesn’t pray! I think he now smokes and drinks!” “Father, my daughter’s character is unbecoming: she now talks back at me. Since she got into the university, she changed completely!” are the kind of complaints I get often from parents in my pastoral ministry.
It is easier to discover wayward children as they careen from one bad choice to another. On the other hand, it could be difficult to discover those that pretend to be good before their parents until they make grave mistakes. This discovery can be heartbreaking for parents as they have no clue why the child they raised well is making such awful, destructive decisions. And so, if you are a parent with child going through this phase of life, this message is for you. Continue reading slowly…
C.f Luke 15:1-3,11-32
‘A man had two sons. The younger said to his father, “Father, let me have the share of the estate that would come to me.” So the father divided the property between them. A few days later, the younger son got together everything he had and left for a distant country where he squandered his money on a life of debauchery. ‘When he had spent it all, that country experienced a severe famine, and now he began to feel the pinch…Then he came to his senses and said…I will leave this place and go to my father…So he left the place and went back to his father…‘Now the elder son was out in the fields, and on his way back, as he drew near the house, he could hear music and dancing. Calling one of the servants he asked what it was all about. “Your brother has come” replied the servant “and your father has killed the calf we had fattened because he has got him back safe and sound.” He was angry then and refused to go in, and his father came out to plead with him; but he answered his father, “Look, all these years I have slaved for you and never once disobeyed your orders, yet you never offered me so much as a kid for me to celebrate with my friends. But, for this son of yours, when he comes back after swallowing up your property – he and his women – you kill the calf we had been fattening.” ‘The father said, “My son, you are with me always and all I have is yours. But it was only right we should celebrate and rejoice, because your brother here was dead and has come to life; he was lost and is found.”
POINTS FOR REFLECTION
The biblical passage you just read are portions taken from the popular parable of the prodigal son- a parable that draws attention on the love of the father who waits patiently for his wayward son to come to his senses. This story has served a great source of encouragement to parents of wayward children as well as to those who have found themselves far from God. In explaining this parable many focus on the wayward son alone and the gravity of his actions, with little or nothing said about the elder son. But the important question remains: is this parable only meant for those within the category of the wayward son? What about the father (that represents parents and guardians) or the elder son (that represents those children that pretend not to be ‘wayward’ but needs special attention as well?) [To learn more about the Parable of the Prodigal Son click here]
1. Show them to Jesus and pray
That wayward child’s real problem is not just drugs or sex, laziness or disrespect. The real problem is that they don’t see Jesus clearly. The best thing you can do for them in their condition is to show them Christ always. It is not a simple or immediate process because the sins in their life that distress you and destroy them will only begin to fade away when they see Jesus more clearly. So continue pointing out Jesus to them and pray, don’t relent! Only God can save your child, keep believing God for the miraculous transformation.
2. Show them your weakness
It is easy to think that the desired change need to start with your children but allowing your children watch you as struggle and change — as you grow in faith, hope, and love — could catch their attention and ignite conversion. The father in the parable showed this weakness: he was lavish in his love for his sons. It was this show of weakness that caught the attention of the prodigal son in his misery. Don’t be a perfectionist before your children, making them feel you never made mistakes and forcing them psychologically to imitate you.
Living by faith in front of your children doesn’t mean concealing your sins, weaknesses, failures, and suffering. Instead, it means letting your children see how God grows your faith in the midst of your weaknesses. St. Paul, while admonishing his disciple Timothy did not hide his weakness from him when he writes:
I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, and who judged me faithful enough to call me into his service even though I used to be a blasphemer and did all I could to injure and discredit the faith. Mercy, however, was shown me, because until I became a believer I had been acting in ignorance; and the grace of our Lord filled me with faith and with the love that is in Christ Jesus. Here is a saying that you can rely on and nobody should doubt: that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners. I myself am the greatest of them; and if mercy has been shown to me, it is because Jesus Christ meant to make me the greatest evidence of his inexhaustible patience for all the other people who would later have to trust in him to come to eternal life. (cf. 1 Tim 1:12-16)
3. Don’t give up on them
It is natural to become weary and frustrated when the desired change is not forthcoming. But learn from the father in the parable who is always looking out every passing hour for the return of his son: he wasn’t informed his son is back but witnessed his return! The bible says:
‘While he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was moved with pity. He ran to the boy, clasped him in his arms and kissed him tenderly.’ (cf. Lk 15:20)
TASK
Make a resolution today not to be harsh towards that wayward child, rather be kind, loving, offer compassion and understanding, meet them where they are at- that is, don’t be so formal when you want to approach them otherwise they would form unnecessary self-defence.
I pray for you
May the Lord strengthen you as you persevere in hope for the miraculous transformation of your son or daughter. May the Lord keep your children safe, guide them and make them brave as they make decisions about their lives. And may the Lord touch and melt their stubborn heart to be docile again, in Jesus name. Amen.
Am blessed and relieved.